….. but not Farewell. It has been such a long time since I have done anything creative. For the last four months I have reached depths of despair and pain that were so beyond my imagination. How does one regain their axis after the loss of their child?
My child was 34 when she died in April 2020. My beautiful youngest daughter. Epilepsy is such a cruel and predatory killer. Lockdown during the Covid-19 pandemic made the loss and grieving so much harder to deal with on both a practical and emotional level. On the other hand, lockdown also made it easier for me to hide away from other people, to hermitise myself in a deep dark cave of sorrow and loss.
Today, I found a shaft of light reaching into my darkness. A stranger in reality but a friend in virtual life. Words she had written for, presumably, herself but which stretched out fingers of hope towards my soul. I had not expected to feel touched in this magical way. Her poetry gave me hope. Hope that keeps me alive, rekindles my creativity. Hope that I can once again resume that role of Mother to my three other beautiful daughters. Hope that grandchildren can forgive Granny’s absence of mind. Hope that I have not lost the ability to retain and make friendships. Hope that a new Path will unfurl gradually in front of me. I am ready to walk once more.